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Dear Scotty
Dear Scotty is an advice column for students, by students and the place to go for sound, compassionate advice, delivered with the straightforward style of a good friend. Share a laugh, shed a tear or learn something new every day with Dear Scotty.
Amaya Duncan, Sydney Zakic, Sydney Mcinnes, Parker McGuire, Steven Hampton| 2023-2024
TIRED TEEN – May 2024
Dear Scotty,
I need some advice, I feel like as teenagers we all have so much stress to deal with and responsibility to keep up with. Some of our day to day life consists of Keeping our good grades, doing sports, maintain healthy relationships with family, friends, and bf/gf..while also do things at home like chores or help babysit your siblings. While also maintaining a good mental health. How would you give advice to high school teens dealing with stress?
– Tired Teen
Dear Tired Teen,
I’m sorry that you feel like you’re drowning in responsibilities and obligations, but believe me, everyone has felt that way at some point. As teenagers, it’s really easy to feel like life is giving you many burdens that you aren’t sure that you can handle, but it’s important to remember that you aren’t alone in these struggles. Going through high school and entering adulthood can be some of the most difficult times in a person’s life, so we have to remember that sometimes it’s okay to struggle a bit. When you have to face hardships and rough waters in your life, it helps you realize all of the hard work and dedication that have brought you this far. You know what they say, it takes pressure to make a diamond, and in this case it’s best to just try and put in as much effort as you can. If you sit there and keep trying and pushing yourself, things will eventually balance themselves out and become more manageable. I won’t lie to you, there is a chance that the stress will keep piling on and burn you out, but you just have to remember that all of this effort is not for nothing. The true reward you get from doing all this is knowing that you were able to achieve things like this. One thing you have to remember is that it’s ok to ask for help. There’s no shame in reaching out and asking someone for a bit of help. No matter what you decide, make sure to keep your morals along the way, and take care of yourself; you got this!
Much love XOXO,
Scotty
DEJECTED DROPOUT – April 2024
Dear Scotty,
I have straight a’s and I’m really good in all of my classes, I am of age to drop out and I really feel like it but I don’t know how my parents would feel, can you give me a few suggestions?
– Dejected Dropout
Dear Dejected Dropout,
In my opinion, making the decision to drop out is one of the most important decisions you can make regarding your high school career. This choice can affect your career and your future. This is the kind of decision that you can look back on and possibly regret doing for the rest of your life. One of the most important things to do is to sit down and try to understand how this kind of decision will affect your life. As you continue there are certain experiences and opportunities that can be held from you if you make the choice to drop out. On the other hand, if you decide that dropping out is the right decision for you, you may be able to pursue a career that suits you and get a headstart on the competition. Either way, you should talk to your parents and see how they feel about it. I’m sure that they’ll want what’s best for you, so when you go to talk to them, you can see what they have to say. I know that parents don’t always understand what we want, but they usually want you to be happy and succeed. If you’re of age to make the decision to drop out, then that most likely means that you’re at least a junior, if not a senior. At this point, you should have most of the credits that you need in order to graduate, so it may be easier to go ahead and finish getting your credits so you can graduate rather than just quitting now. In comparison, if you were to drop out now, you would need to ensure that you have some sort of job or income. Depending on the type of career you want to pursue, you need to make sure that you have a way to do that job and make enough money to live comfortably. When thinking about a job, you also need to make sure that you have met enough educational requirements in order to properly do that job and even move up the “Corporate ladder”, and make sure that you’re not just left stagnant and unhappy at your job. Overall, you just need to sit down and weigh your options, and make sure that you and the people around you are comfortable with the decision that you’re going to make. I hope that you make the right decision for yourself, and end up happy with whatever outcome you decide on.
Good Luck,
Your Friend Scotty
STUCK IN THE MIDDLE – March 2024
Dear Scotty,
For background, I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 months and I have told him if he doesn’t feel comfortable with someone on my Snapchat that he should tell me and I always ask for reasons. This most recent time he asked me to block my gay best friend that I have known since 6th grade. And when I asked him why he just said he doesn’t trust him, mind you they have never met. So, I guess what I’m asking you is how do I make this situation better without losing my best friend or boyfriend?
– Stuck in the Middle
Dear Stuck in the Middle,
I’m sorry to hear that you’re stuck in the middle of this kind of situation, no pun intended. First of all, I believe that the best way to get your boyfriend to trust your best friend is by actually getting them to meet each other. Once they meet each other, your boyfriend will be able to see that there’s no reason to not trust your best friend. In my opinion, you all shouldn’t feel the need to police and control each other’s friendships and interactions with other people. A healthy relationship is built off of mutual trust and respect, but when you let your partner decide who you are and aren’t allowed to talk to, it shows that the relationship is lacking trust. In your relationship, neither of you should feel the need to invade each other’s privacy or control who the other person talks to. It’s great to make boundaries that allow both of you to follow the rules of your relationship. However, you should still respect the other person’s personal boundaries and friendships. To me, it feels like your boyfriend might be feeling uneasy about something in his life or some part of your relationship. When he’s talking about your best friend and he says, “I just don’t trust him,” it shows me that he might think that your best friend is attracted to you and that he feels a bit worried that you might get into a relationship with your best friend. This is neither of your all’s fault, and it’s just something that you all will need to talk about and work through together as a couple. As long as you both communicate how you feel and come to a compromise that you both agree with, you will be able to solve this problem between you two. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you’ll be happy with the decision that you end up making.
With Love,
Scotty
BUMBLING BOYFRIEND – February 2024
Dear Scotty,
My girlfriend gets mad at me directly even if I never do anything wrong???? I need a solution and advice!!!
– Bumbling Boyfriend
Dear Bumbling Boyfriend,
I wish I could give you an answer to cure it all, but because of the vagueness of the situation, I can’t give you a specific answer. Under your girlfriend’s anger is someone who has deep feelings and no one to talk with about them. Your girlfriend being mad and taking it out on you doesn’t mean it’s you she’s mad at. Let her know that the way she is acting towards you isn’t appreciated and that whether her feelings are towards you or not the way you’re being treated isn’t the way you deserve. When talking to her, make sure you use “I” statements to communicate your feelings fully. Maybe you might be doing something that doesn’t respect her boundaries. However, during this talk, if she gets mad at you for expressing your feelings and boundaries, consider this relationship might not be the best option for you. After this conversation, your relationship might become stronger, but if you end up deciding to not stay in the relationship, break it off as soon as possible. This is because you don’t want to 1) lead her on or 2) endanger your mental health. To wrap this up, this is the help I could give based on what you’ve told us, and I wish you the best of luck in this situation.
Your friend,
Scotty
TOXICITY – January 2024
Dear Scotty,
I am in a relationship with a constantly mean and aggressive person. Everything was perfect, but recently she has become a different person. She yells at me, and sometimes really hurts my feelings. Sometimes she even ghosts me. I don’t know what to do because I really love this girl and I don’t want to end it because I know what good she is, I just don’t know how to fix it, but I am scared of future possible abuse if this does not change. Any advice would be very helpful and appreciated.
– Toxicity
Dear Toxicity,
First of all, I would like to say that I am sorry that you’re in this kind of situation. You should never feel like you are in danger within your relationship; in fact, you should feel the opposite. When you’re in a relationship, you should feel safe and comfortable when around that person. If your current partner doesn’t make you feel those positive emotions, then I believe it’s time to rethink being with her. If she is being mean and aggressive towards you, then I feel like the best thing that you can do to help yourself is taking a step back. After you take some time away from her, you’ll be able to sort through the emotions you have for her and then continue from there. If you continue to feel like you love her, then you can reach out to her and try talking about what she did and said as well as how it made you feel. On the other hand, if you feel like you can no longer trust her and feel like she might treat you poorly again, you should talk to her about what went wrong and then end the relationship. No matter what you choose to do, prioritizing your health, both mentally and physically, should be #1. But, you have to remember to use “I feel” statements to show that you’re not attacking her, but you’re just trying to show how her actions made you feel. Once again, prioritize your health and good luck.
Best wishes,
Scotty
ANONYMOUS – December 2023
Dear Scotty,
I think my best friend is starting to get into drugs. What should I do?
– Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Seeing your friend fall down a rabbit hole of unhealthy habits and a possible addiction can be overwhelming and stressful. What you are doing is an extraordinary thing and you should be very proud. It takes a huge heart and a brave soul to help someone overcome something so severe and love them enough to find them the help they need. Even though your friend may see your efforts of trying to help as something to get them in trouble either way, letting someone know is always the right thing to do. The first step you need to take to get your friend the healthy help they need is to talk to them. Talking to them will help you see it from their perspective and will help you know the reason they are doing it. There are all types of reasons that people do drugs and, as a high school student, it is scary because it could be an entry door to a long life of addiction. Step two is to help them find someone they could talk to about this because they could feel pressured or hurt, and they may also be doing it as a cry for help or an attempt to look cool. To set the record straight, anything that is harmful to you or others is not cool. For some people, drugs are used as an escape because the situation they are living in may not be ideal but as their friend, you should look out for them and let them know that whatever they are going through, you’re there for them and that there are other ways that they can deal with their situation such as getting new hobbies that are healthy for them or finding someone like a counselor to talk to. A few examples of fun healthy habits are reading, journaling, collecting, listening to music, etc. Help your friend find what hobby sparks their interest, so they can focus on that instead of using harmful substances. A friendly resource for help right in our school are the counselors and Mrs. Christi Albensi who has plenty of resources and is qualified for helping someone in their situation. These people are only here to help and understand what your friend may be going through. Earlier mentioned were the reasons people may feel the need to do drugs, of which there are millions. Sometimes people get into drugs due to trauma, depression, exposure, past addiction problems, etc. So it is important to be patient and compassionate because they could be struggling but don’t give up on them because your support may be all the little push they need to get clean and stay clean. At the end of the day, the only person who can quit is them, and all you can do is be there to hold their hand, support them through this difficult time, and remind them that you are their friend who is there to help and not to judge. Remember to be strong for you and your friend.
Sincerely,
Scotty
TOXIC SITUATIONSHIP – November 2023
Dear Scotty,
Ok so I’m in a toxic situationship with my friend and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I can’t do anything without them getting mad at me. We call every night and fight and I try to stop the fights but nothing works. Everyone in my life wants me to stop talking to him but it seems like I’m trapped, I don’t know what to do. Advice?
– Toxic Situationship
Dear Toxic Situationship,
I am sorry to hear that you’re in this kind of relationship and that you feel like you have to fix it. First of all, you shouldn’t feel forced to stay in a relationship and it shouldn’t feel like this relationship is challenging to maintain; relationships should be between two people who are happy being together and feel like the relationship is beneficial for both people. The fact that he doesn’t want to try and fix the problems in your relationship shows that you don’t have a healthy relationship. It isn’t fair for you to continue to try and fix the problems you have. If your relationship was truly healthy then both people would be working towards fixing the problems; instead, it seems like you are the only person who is trying to stop these arguments. It’s perfectly healthy to have disagreements within a relationship but, it’s not ok to allow these arguments to control your relationship and make it feel more stressful. If you think that the relationship is toxic, which it sounds like it is, you do not need to feel guilty about cutting them off. I would advise trying not to start more drama, but to instead slowly distance yourself (i.e. stop texting first, don’t reach out to make plans, etc.). If you feel like you want to talk to him in person to tell him your feelings, you should invite some of your close friends to help you feel more comfortable when speaking with him.
Best wishes,
Scotty
ANONYMOUS – October 2023
Dear Scotty,
My friends all hate my boyfriend but they don’t have a reason. Should I breakup with him?
– Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I’m sorry to hear you’re in this situation, but I have some advice to help you. The first thing I would advise is to look for more opinions; talk to different friends, and your boyfriend’s friends as well. Another thing you could do would be to talk to your friends and try and get them to explain why they don’t like your boyfriend fully. If they aren’t able to give any real reasons, you should reconsider your friendship with them because if you continue on that path with them, they might cause you to lose vital opportunities later in life. On the other hand, if they have some valid points, you should communicate with your boyfriend and see if he realizes that he is doing these negative things. As you talk to him, if he gets overly defensive, start considering if it’s a red flag. There’s a chance that your friends could have made things up, and when you talk to him, they don’t apply, so you can’t accuse him unless you have solid proof. Overall, you just need to understand the situation and consider all perspectives. Also, remember that sometimes you can be blinded by romantic feelings to their red flags, but sometimes your friends don’t always know what’s best for you.
Best wishes,
Scotty
BETRAYED – September 2023
Dear Scotty,
I stayed over at my best friend’s house last weekend and while I was there she was snapping with someone most of the night. When I asked her who it was she told me it was a guy from a school in Lexington who she had met a few weeks ago. But when she ran to the kitchen she left her phone on the couch still unlocked and I picked it up to see if she was really into this new guy. But it wasn’t a new guy, it was my boyfriend and they were talking about me. We had a big fight last week and I haven’t been talking to him much because I am still mad and he was talking about our fight. I feel very betrayed by both of them and I don’t know if I trust them anymore. She says he was asking her what to do and that he had asked her not to tell me because he didn’t want me to know he couldn’t figure it out on his own. What do I do?
– Betrayed
Dear Betrayed,
I’m sorry about you and your man. Girl, relationships are never easy. First off I’d say the best thing to do is to talk to both your best friend and boyfriend face to face; let them fully explain their side of the story, tell them how you feel and how you were affected by their actions. If you talk over social media, they might not understand how you feel or read the message the wrong way, or they could simply leave you on read. After you talk everything out, distance yourself from them, work out how hurt you are, and whether you think you can still be friends with them. Your boyfriend should have been speaking to you about your relationship, but it is reassuring that he’s concerned enough to get an outside opinion. I agree that they were not trustworthy and should have spoken to you about the situation, but you don’t need to force yourself to ever trust them again; you know them better than me, and you know whether they would do this to hurt you or not. If you decide to reconcile, lay out some ground rules with them; for example, tell your friend that you aren’t comfortable with them talking to someone you’re on bad terms with while you’re there. Just trust your gut and if it tells you they’re trying to hurt you then move on because the universe gave you a free way out of two toxic relationships, but maybe you should just talk to them and remember communication will always save the nation. As I conclude my advice to you, I do have to give you one more nugget of suggestion; maybe don’t invade other people’s property and privacy. I understand you two were close friends, but it could cause some issues in the future.
Wish you luck,
Scotty
WAITING SUITOR- May 2024
Dear Scotty,
Okay so there is this girl I really like and i have liked her for months and she broke up with her bf of 4 years before talking to me. We have been talking for almost 3 months ad she tells me she isn’t ready for a relationship. Which is completely understandable and im trying to show her that I care about her and that i’m willing to wait for her because I really do like her. She says she likes me too but sometimes she struggles showing it. Also she is a senior and i’m an underclassmen and she will be off at college and i will still be finishing off high school. So I feel like it wont work with her because of that but i also feel like i need to stick around and wait for her and just help work on our friendship before anything else cause i feel like we could make it work. What should I do?
– Waiting Suitor
Dear Waiting Suitor,
It’s a bittersweet situation that you’ve found someone to care about at such an awkward time in your lives. However, it’s clear that you care about this girl a lot, even if the situation isn’t the best for you two to date right now. I think the best plan of action for you as it stands is to work on your friendship with her. She has already said she isn’t ready for another relationship, and with her being a senior, the timing doesn’t seem that great for a new relationship either. For now, maintaining your friendship is a great way to stay close with her, which you obviously want based on your submission. The main thing to remember is to not be pushy if she doesn’t want to date now or in the future, because that’s her choice. But, if you’re both single and willing sometime in the future when you’re out of high school then you should go for it!
Best wishes XOXO,
Scotty
SCARED- April 2024
Dear Scotty,
I am a sophomore but I am scared about my future. I’m taking dual-credit classes next year. I’m getting ready for college, I’m worried about my GPA. I’m just so stressed out about how to handle everything and I feel like I have no time.
– Scared
Dear Scared,
It is unfortunate that you’re already feeling the anxiety of high school and the looming presence of college. I hope I can give you some reassurance because, to me, it seems like you’re already making all the right decisions to prepare for the future. To start off, Dual Credit is a great way to acclimate yourself to college before you actually get there. It might feel like a daunting task to take a Dual Credit class at first, but as long as you stay focused and determined, you’ll adjust quickly. Based on the fact that you’re signing up for Dual Credit, I’d guess you’re probably doing great in terms of GPA, and even if it’s lower than you would like, there’s still time to bring it up! Either way, I think the best thing to do is to just give it your all, keep doing your classwork and learning the material. For your feelings of having no time, I think it doesn’t ever truly go away; but with time and experience, it gets more manageable. It gets easier to schedule time out for the different things you need to do and it gets easier to space out big projects and prioritize your work. Remember, if it ever feels like too much, you can take a break. Good luck going forward, you got this!
Your Friend,
Scotty
CONFUSED- March 2024
Dear Scotty,
I don’t know how to ask my boyfriend to unfollow his ex, she is THE ex as well but I don’t know how to ask and I don’t know if it will seem controlling
– Confused
Dear Confused,
In my opinion, your situation should be a simple fix as long as you handle it with care and passion. You just need to sit down with your boyfriend and have a polite conversation where you ask him to unfollow his ex and explain why you want him to unfollow her. While you’re talking to him, you should explain how him following her makes you feel. If there really isn’t anything going on between them, it should not be an issue and he would be glad to unfollow her in order to make you feel better. On the other hand, if he gets overly defensive about the subject without giving any reasons, then it might be an issue that needs to be further discussed. There is a chance that he might become a little defensive and if so, you should hear him out and try to listen to what he has to say. Worst case scenario, if he happens to get extremely defensive, then maybe you should consider that there might be something going on between them. Either way, you need to have a conversation with him. Talking with him is the best way to get to the root of the problem and solve it. You got this and I hope that things turn out well for you and your boyfriend.
Best wishes,
Scotty
GIRL PROBLEMS- February 2024
Dear Scotty,
Okay so I recently broke up with my girlfriend around a month ago and I think this girl is attractive and I know she likes girls and before me and my girlfriend broke up I added her on Snapchat my girlfriend went through my phone and found where me and my best friend were talking about it and apparently my ex hates the girl I added because they have beef but I don’t know if the girl I like would ever date me even though my best friend knows her and said I was her type. I guess I just feel bad because I like the girl my ex hates and my ex still wants to get back together and I feel very confused about what to do.
– Girl Problems (Anonymous)
Dear Girl Problems,
I’m sorry to hear that you are having to make this kind of decision, it seems like a difficult choice to make. I believe that the two options that you have are to either get with the new girl or get back with your ex. Either way, you should ensure that the relationship you decide to continue with is good for both of you, and work so that the person that you don’t choose isn’t hurt by your decision. This isn’t really something I can give a straight answer to, I’m not really familiar with you or the people involved. The most I can do is say you should consider all the options and then make the decision that’s best for you! When making this kind of decision you need to think about both of them individually, and which one will make you happiest when you’re with them. You should also consider them in this decision, think about whether both of you are better when you’re together. Just make sure that the heart you guard is your own, and be mindful of your own feelings so that you don’t get hurt; you want to be sure of this decision, not wondering whether or not you made the right choice. No matter what, someone will end up feeling like they are not the first choice, so just make sure you’re prepared for who that person may be and how to show them that you still care about them. If your ex is upset about you moving on you need to do what’s best for you because you can’t alter people’s feelings. If the relationship is the past then maybe it’s time to move forward. Don’t let your past ruin the future you’re destined to have with someone else as well as yourself.
Best wishes,
Scotty
MASHED POTATOES- January 2024
Dear Scotty,
What’s the recipe for the school mashed potatoes? They are so good and they taste so good just amazing teach me pls ☆ ●~●
– Mashed Potato Fiend
Dear Mashed Potato Fiend,
This isn’t the usual kind of question that we answer, but you asked so Chef Scotty will deliver. Just remember, you’re the one who asked for this. The recipe is the following:
- Instant mashed potatoes
- Butter Buds
- Water
Sadly, try as I might, I could only get the ingredients of the mashed potatoes so the exact measurements are up to you. So, you’re going to have to experiment with the measurements a bit but you got this. Good luck on your journey of cooking school mashed potatoes.
Your Friend,
Chef Scotty
ASHAMED BAE- December 2023
Dear Scotty,
My bae is ashamed to be seen with me. What do I do? They refuse to walk with me in the hallway because we aren’t officially dating but me but we are talking so I don’t understand what the problem is.
– Ashamed Bae
Dear Ashamed Bae,
I am sorry to hear that you all aren’t on the same level of your relationship. I believe that the solution to this problem is talking to your bae in order to let them know how you feel. When you talk to them about this, you can let them know how you feel and how the actions that they’re taking are making you feel. For example, you could say something like,”When you don’t walk with me in the hallway, it makes me feel like you don’t care.” The thing that you have to remember is to use “I feel” statements and not statements that make the other person feel attacked. Another reason that you should talk to them is because it will allow you to see how they feel about the situation and if both of you want a full relationship. One thing that you might want to think about is whether or not they like PDA (Public Displays of Affection) or if they are just nervous to break their current habits. On the other hand their classes might not be close to yours or they might not have considered walking with you because of how ambiguous your relationship is. Either way, the best solution to your problem is to communicate with them and make sure that you tell them how you feel, in a positive way. I hope that you’re able to solve the problem with your bae and that both of you will be happier afterwards. The best thing to remember is that communication will save the nation, and your relationship in this case.
Best of luck,
Scotty
FLEETING FOREIGN EXCHANGE- November 2023
Dear Scotty,
I have a crush on the exchange student, I’ve never talked to him. He is friends with some of my ex-friends so he might hate me because of what they’ve told him and I don’t know how to tell him, he leaves very soon!!! How should I tell him?
– AD
Dear Fleeting Foreign Exchange,
In order to solve your first problem, you have to realize that communication will save the nation. If you communicate your feelings, things will resolve. However, I would have to add that you shouldn’t get your hopes up as he’s leaving soon, it is unlikely that this will blossom into a full-blown relationship. Also on that note, you’ve never talked to this guy; I would advise before you confess your emotions, try to befriend him. This way you can comprehend if you would even be compatible together, while also letting him get to know you. If you are worried about your ex-friends gossiping about you, that will solve your problem. Even if he doesn’t like you because of rumors, then consider he wasn’t a good fit anyway. Of course, this is a time-sensitive issue, so I would advise getting to know him/telling him how you feel as soon as you feel comfortable doing so. Once you get to know him, you can continue to speak with him once he returns to his home country. After becoming more comfortable with each other, you can then see if forming a relationship is the best thing for both of you. To conclude, talk with him and build a friendship and then if you want to form a relationship, you already set up the groundwork. Remember that confidence is key and good luck!
Best wishes,
Scotty
OVER IT- October 2023
Dear Scotty,
Omg, here’s what’s happening! So there’s this guy that I broke up with cause he was controlling and was manipulating me. When I finally broke it off with him, he thought we didn’t break up, but now that I’ve made it clear that I don’t want to be with him again, he and his sister/ friends are basically harassing me. Now he keeps trying to contact me in any way possible. What do you think?
– Over it
Dear Over It,
First, you are completely valid for any emotions you feel toward this person. If you feel uncomfortable, that is okay; you can block them if you don’t feel comfortable. If you feel like there has been any miscommunication between the two of you, reaching out one more time could be beneficial to clear the air. This could be any way that makes you comfortable, whether in person, over text, or even in a letter. On that note, whilst talking to them about how their actions have made you feel, don’t lose sight of the fact you do not want to make them feel you are attacking them. You may do this by using “I feel” statements (ex. I feel this way because I felt attacked, etc). However, no matter the emotions this situation has caused you, it is vital to remember that your ex may not be truly harassing you. Your ex most likely feels that their actions are normal, and they may only want to talk. It’s important to remember that the word harassment has consequential legal implications that could affect both of you in the future. Though your feelings, safety, and future are important, so are theirs. Everybody takes breakups differently and may not be ready to let the relationship go. Consider their feelings, but always ensure your safety is the first priority. I wish the best for you both and your situation.
Your friend,
Scotty
DELUSIONAL – September 2023
Dear Scotty,
What would you do?(lol it sounds like that one guy on YT) well anyway I really like this one boy, I call him a code name when talking about him to my friends. And he’s super funny and sweet. But I’m not his type, I’ve liked him for 4 years now and we’re only friends. But I can’t stop liking him for some reason, all my celebrity crushes look like him and no matter how much I try I cant have a crush on another boy. He’s perfect in my eyes and one time I even dated someone for over a year but I just kept thinking of him the whole time so I ended the relationship. He won’t leave my mind. What would y’all do?
– Delusional
Dear Delusional,
I cannot say that I relate to your problem but I can still try to help anyway. I think that the best thing for you to do is to tell him, what’s the worst that can happen? If he doesn’t like you back, oh well I’m sure you’re a great person who will find someone perfect for you. You can’t force him to feel the same way you do, but you can move on for yourself. He could also say yes. In that case, you can start a happy, healthy relationship with him. Before you romanticize a relationship with him, you should think about your compatibility with him. Do you have anything in common? Is there anything you could use to connect with him? For now, I think you should focus on yourself and find something that you love, something not involving him. You could take up journaling, reading, a game, or a sport to work out your feelings and reflect on your situation. Loving someone is great but hurting yourself and others during the process takes away the magic; you shouldn’t start things with someone if you know you feel that strongly about someone else, especially if you don’t have a definitive answer to your feelings for them. Overall, take some time to yourself; get some answers on how this guy feels about you. If it isn’t the same way you feel about him, move on.
Best wishes,
Scotty
HOPELESS ROMANTIC- May 2024
Dear Scotty,
I am a sophomore meaning I was a freshman last year. I had a lot of crushes but a whole lot more anxiety so they never knew. Unfortunately, they’ve all gotten girlfriends now so I’m out of luck in that department. I read in an article once that a crush lasts 4 months but anything longer is love. LOVE, I don’t love these guys I’ve barely had more than 2 conversations with them. Am I the problem should I have just been brave and asked them out? I see them everywhere though and why do they look at me when they have a girlfriend could they have maybe felt the same way? Does holding the door open on those what-ifs make me pathetic? My question is how do I get over someone when all I’ve had since last year are the what-ifs of could that be me?
– Hopeless Romantic
Dear Hopeless Romantic,
Love is a complex thing, and especially since those in high school are dealing with an influx of emotions, it can be hard to work up the courage to follow through with your feelings. My advice to you is that you should take the leap next time you have a crush. The last thing you want to do is suppress your feelings just to regret them later like you said you did in the past. It’s never too late to change for the better moving forward. From now on, I think it would help if you just told them, or at least talked to them more to develop your relationship, whether that be romantically or not. However, regarding the “what-ifs,” you have to let it go. I know it’s easier said than done, but you will torture yourself. Remember that if you focus on the missed opportunities, you will continue to miss opportunities. Having closure to the feelings, even if it comes at the price of rejection, is better than wondering what could have happened. At the end of the day, you are still in high school and are still at the beginning of your love life. You still have plenty of time to find “the one,” even if it may not seem like it. Be patient, and it will all work out.
Much love XOXO,
Scotty
TRAGIC BURNOUT- April 2024
Dear Scotty,
I don’t have the motivation to keep working anymore. I’ve always been a good student and always had good grades, but now I’m finding myself struggling to turn assignments in and study for my exams. I know burnout is a thing, and that people struggle with it all the time, but how do you deal with it? It’s affecting myself and my grades.
– Tragic Burnout
Dear Tragic Burnout,
To start off, I’d like to say I’m sorry you’re in a situation that makes you feel this way. Burnout is awful to deal with, and I know that it’s hard to work through. When you try to escape burnout, it feels like more and more work piles on by the minute. Burnout is different for everyone, and there are different ways to work through it. It can take a while to get back to 100%, even if you’re motivated to get through it. So while I can’t give you an answer to fully work through the slump and get back on track, I can give a few tips to keep your grades up that have worked for me. In my opinion, the best way to get over burnout is by making your health your number one priority. As I’m sure you can tell, the more you try to work through your burnout, the less you feel like working and the worse you feel overall. You should take a few days and focus on things that you enjoy doing. While continuing to go to school, paying attention, and doing the classwork, you can then take time afterschool and do some things that help you relax. Whether this be taking the time to walk around your neighborhood or read a book that interests you. I believe that the best thing to do for your grades is prioritize your work; make a list of your hardest classes, the ones with the most homework, which ones take late work, ect. By comparing these lists you can prioritize which classes are the most important and which ones will be okay, even if you can’t give them 100%. Another nugget of wisdom I may give you is that you should try to get a full night’s rest as often as possible. Getting enough sleep is going to be crucial for both your body and mind to recover after a day’s work. Making sure you’re doing enough physical activity will help with your burnout. Physical activity gets you moving, and allows for you to take your mind off the things that could be stressing you out. Remember that it’ll be okay, and you just have to take it one step at a time.
Best Wishes,
Scotty
CONFLICTED FRIEND- March 2024
Dear Scotty,
Lately I’ve been wondering if my friendship with my best friend of several years is a healthy one. She never pays any attention to me, she always just complains about everything, even things I think are fun, which makes me feel like I can’t talk about some things around her or be excited about anything. She has a lot on her plate, so I try to be as supportive as I can, but it’s started being the only thing she talks about; too much homework, being way too tired, having no time for anything. This didn’t really bother me, until she started complaining about and making fun of people behind their back, but pretending to be their friend when she talked to them. That isn’t okay with me, and it also makes me wonder what she says about me when I’m not there. Whenever we’re with my other friends, she always tries to exclude them from anything we do, and when I just hang out with them instead of her and her friends, she is really passive aggressive towards me and makes me feel like I should be guilty for having other people I want to spend time with.Recently, though, I got into a bit of an argument with one of her other friends, who was very rude to me, and I don’t feel comfortable sitting around them anymore. Instead of coming and talking to me or taking my side she ignores me in any classes that she is in with that friend and me and tells me I need to get over it. I have two questions. First, is this a friendship I should continue? And second, if it’s not, how should I end it? Should I just slowly try to be around her less? Or should I try to talk to her about it? I would do that now, except she doesn’t take criticism well, and she always gets very defensive without really listening. Either way, I’m worried it will lead to it being awkward or her being aggressive to me for the rest of the year, because we’re in over half of our classes together. What should I do?
– Conflicted Friend
Dear Conflicted Friend,
I know this is a really difficult situation for you, and I’m sorry to hear that you have to go through something like this. In my opinion, the best way to handle this situation would be to talk to them and try to figure out if something is going wrong in their life. Though, sometimes friendships aren’t meant to be and no matter how hard we try or want them to work, they just don’t. People grow apart every day and your friendship may be in a state where it’s salvageable but to know that, you need to tell your friend how you feel. As you stated, your friend isn’t good with criticism so don’t go in with intentions to attack. The most important thing for you to do is tell them that sometimes you feel as though the way they choose to communicate hurts you. If she doesn’t seem responsive or willing to work through the problems between the two of you, then it’s probably best to end the friendship. Remember that when one door closes, another door opens. Maybe the chapter of your friendship is over but it doesn’t mean that the next chapter won’t be just as exciting and filled with greater friendships that don’t hurt you, even if those past friends didn’t mean to. One thing I would advise you to do is have a civil conversation with them. They were your best friend, so maybe you can connect with them and communicate how their behavior makes you feel. In this conversation, talk about your feelings, and use “I feel…” statements to do so. However, she could be unresponsive or hostile to this approach, and that’s when you know that this door has closed. Understand that this might be hard, but it is 100% healthier if you close out this relationship. If they make an effort to change once you have distanced yourself and you feel comfortable to rekindle, feel free to do so.
Wish you luck,
Scotty
PHONE PEEPER- February 2024
Dear Scotty,
My girlfriend does not let me go through her phone and comes up with excuses like, “my phone is dead right now” or “I left it at home” and “No” even though she has gone through everything on mine, what do I do?
– Phone Peeper
Dear Phone Peeper,
I think that you’re in a difficult situation, but I might have some advice to help you out! First of all, I just want to say that every relationship is different and not all advice will work for everyone, it just depends on the situation you guys are in. I believe that everyone deserves personal privacy whether they’re in a relationship or not. In this case, you both should have your privacy and respect while still being able to trust each other enough to not feel the need to search through the other person’s phone. To me, the fact that your girlfriend doesn’t want you to look through her phone shows that you all are on different levels of understanding in the situation. She expects to be the only one in the relationship receiving privacy, while you are trying to prove that she should have to follow the same rules that she expects you to follow. To solve this problem, you should get together and talk about how you both are thinking and feeling. Once you begin to talk, you will be able to get on the same page about the respect you both expect in your relationship and how you all can keep and change the different aspects. While talking together, you need to make sure to not make compromises to the things that you both believe to be critical for your relationship to be successful and continue to make both of you happy. Once you all set up the boundaries that you’re comfortable with, you can reiterate that honesty and trust are both important aspects of a relationship and that you all need to make that a core pillar of stability in your relationship. To help keep this conversation positive and beneficial for you and your girlfriend, you can try using things like ‘’I feel” and ‘I think’ statements. When using statements like this, you’re able to convey how you are feeling to the other person, while not making them feel attacked or like you’re disregarding what the other person is thinking and feeling. I hope that you both can talk through this and find a solution that makes both of you happy in the end.
Wish you luck,
Scotty
TOTALLY DONE- January 2024
Dear Scotty,
I have an ex-best friend that is saying I’m spreading rumors. What do I do? My ex-best friend and I stopped talking and now he is telling his friends that I’m spreading rumors.
– Totally Done
Dear Totally Done,
I want to start by saying, I’m sorry that you’re in this kind of situation. I know it’s difficult to lose a best friend in the first place, but to have those feelings opened in such an unfortunate way is difficult to process. The best advice I can give you in this situation is trying to solve it at the source by talking to your ex-best friend. By doing this you can hopefully get a reason as to why the rumors started in the first place, and find a way to stop them from happening. If the rumors are particularly nasty, then it might be best to get a trusted adult involved that can help you with the situation. If you’re not able to contact your ex-best friend, then you can try talking to the people they’re spreading the rumors to and clear up the confusion. You’ll be able to stop the rumor from spreading any further and let people know the truth about the situation. Overall, I hope you’re able to clear the air and resolve this situation peacefully.
Wish you luck,
Scotty
TELL ME I’M WRONG- December 2023
Dear Scotty,
So here’s the deal. This person I’m in a relationship with has a friend I don’t like. Am I wrong? A couple of years ago I became friends with this kid that I had a couple of classes with. Nothing seemed really off until he began to make me uncomfortable, it started small, with comments that didn’t quite sit well with me. Then one day he put his arm around me in the hallway and wouldn’t get off. I told him it made me extremely uncomfortable and to not do it again, thinking it was a misunderstanding. But he did it two more times before one of my other friends saw it and told him to leave me alone. While the assault stopped he still continued to talk to me even after I asked him to leave me alone. Finally, toward the end of the year, I was able to get my point across by reporting him for assault and he stopped talking to me. Then, when I started dating this new person, he decided to start talking to me again, since he and my partner are friends. My partner knows about my history with him and still chose to defend him since they had known each other longer than my partner had known me. I thought it would be fine since I was in a relationship so I thought he wouldn’t touch me or make me uncomfortable with his comments. But I was wrong, he asked to kiss me even though I was in a relationship. And forced me to hug him since he is a lot bigger than me and was able to do so. I told my partner and not only did my partner defend him but he also asked me not to report him for a second time because word would get out and his girlfriend (that he’s cheated on multiple times) would find out. What should I do?
– Tell me I’m wrong
Dear Tell me I’m wrong,
My advice to you is to ask a trusted adult for advice or help, after informing your partner. Your safety should come first in this situation, and it seems that continuous behavior won’t end until you contact someone who can mediate it. Talk to your counselor, a trusted adult, or someone you know can help you. First, you should inform your partner that you are informing an adult because you feel you are constantly on guard. You aren’t necessarily asking them to do something, but just giving them a “heads up.” Going off that, you should also have a serious discussion with your partner to convey how you truly felt and why you felt that way. If they did understand this, maybe consider this isn’t a healthy relationship to be in. You should also inform the girlfriend of the person you feel uncomfortable with. If she did not know previously, she deserves to know about what he did and be able to plan their future together or lack thereof. This is something that she should beware of because of the type of issue this is. We wish you the best of luck, and hope that you make the best choices for yourself.
Your friend,
Scotty
BETRAYAL- November 2023
Dear Scotty,
I broke up with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago and started talking to someone, that then led to dating him. As of now I already have a new boyfriend but my ex is still single. Was it wrong for me to move on too fast or is it okay that I already have an amazing boyfriend? My boyfriend occasionally acts weird and it makes me wonder. Am I in the wrong or is something up with him? Did I betray my ex or make things better?
– Betrayal
Dear Betrayal,
First off, I just want to say that any feelings you have are valid. That being said, I don’t think you’re in the wrong; everyone moves on at different times, and if you move on faster, that’s okay. As long as you didn’t start a relationship with your current boyfriend before you broke up with your ex, then you are completely in the right. You and your ex are no longer in a relationship, and you have moved on; it’s not your responsibility to deal with his feelings and make him feel better about the situation. As for your boyfriend acting weird at times, consider it might not be about you and your ex. Since we don’t know the meaning of “weird” in this case, we advise you to just talk it out with him. Communication is key in a relationship, and it’s better to clarify any misunderstandings right off the bat rather than allow the problems to continue. Overall, you are not in the wrong for moving on, and you should keep doing what you’re doing.
Your friend,
Scotty
PEN – October 2023
Dear Scotty,
My two friends like one boy but they don’t know they both like the same boy. Should I let them be or say something?
– Pen
Dear Pen,
There are two paths you can take here. The first option is to tell them. The longer you hold off telling them, the more damage you’re doing to them and yourself. They’ll have more time to develop their feelings and get hurt. Finding out that you weren’t the only one who felt something special with a person; not only that, but the other person was your friend. I think you need to tell them so you can try and stop them before they both get hurt. If they discover that you knew the entire time, they might think your actions were malicious.
On the other hand, you could keep it a secret. If you tell them, they might think you aren’t respecting their trust by telling others, which could result in unneeded, toxic drama. Also, in my experience, when I liked someone, and my best friend told me they liked the same person, I repressed my feelings in order for them to stay happy. That might happen where they both repress their feelings, and it’s a lose-lose situation, but it would still allow them to move on. I would allow it to play out on its own; don’t force them to make the decision for the boy they like. It might evolve into one or both of them losing feelings for the boy. The choice is up to you, just know, if they are your true friends, a boy wouldn’t come between you. I wish you the best of luck!
With love,
Scotty
ALWAYS AN OPTION – September 2023
Dear Scotty,
I love my best friend to death but I’m always second to her. I’ll be talking to a guy I like then they’ll bring up how cute she is or sometimes confess how they feel about her to me. I’ve even wing-manned for a guy I liked, to set up a date for him with her. I never feel like I’m pretty enough, and I’m always too loud and obnoxious. I just always feel like a second choice (or even not a choice at all). advice?
-Always an Option
Dear, Always an Option,
I’m sorry to say this, but there isn’t a solution that will fix everything in this situation. The best thing you can do is try to move on; whether that be from your crush, your friend, or both, it is up to you. No matter how you feel or deal with the situation, you must remember: do not lash out at them. They probably don’t mean to hurt you, even if you feel hurt by their actions. Regarding the situation with your friend, you shouldn’t base your beauty standards on those around you; they should be based on how you feel in life. If you are happy, you are beautiful. Be happy. Be beautiful. Be yourself.
If you decide to no longer be friends with those people, you should find someone who helps validate how you feel about yourself and your self-image. We all want to be something or someone we never will be because those people we see in magazines, social media, and TV simply don’t exist. The people we see on social media and are taught our whole lives that the beauty standard just isn’t real because the truth is that every picture, word, and action they make is edited and perfected into a standard that no one could ever compare to. Usually, how we view ourselves is entirely different from how others view us. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, and sometimes, people can’t see our shine, no matter how bad we want them to. Even if they can’t see it, that star may shine bright. I wish you luck in finding your self-worth, a worth not based on those around you.
Best Wishes,
Your Friend Scotty
Scotty Advice Team: Amaya Duncan,Steven Hampton, Parker Maguire, Sydney McInnes, Sydney Zakic
The Dear Scotty Advice Column is written by a team of students working together to analyze questions from every angle allowing them to fit all their pieces of advice into a well rounded map to help students navigate the bumps of roads well-traveled during high school careers. All advice is strictly the opinion of students offering an outside point of view and should be taken as such.
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